Thismorning was the hardest one yet, I felt so sick, my throat, my heat, my heart, my body, I didn't want to go to work, but I knew I had to... I need the money for all the bills. So I got up and went, with yesterdays make up and I threw on a hat... I got outside to find we had another ice storm, and that my car needed to be defrosted and scraped, 30 min later, I was finally on my way.
I got to work at 9, Just in time I suppose, I usually get there early. I went so slowly at everything. I came home and sat down to eat last night's dinner... but he called again, and I wish I had never picked up.
He is so manipulative, he was telling me first how he opened his own bank account, because he was told to, and how he was told to void the power of attourny that was set up when he was in Iraq... I told him he still has to pay the bills and mortgage with me and that now i'm not going to have the money in the bank to do so...
He told me he loves me, misses me, wants me back, then continued to tell me how the house was his and this that and the other would be his in a divorce... and I was just like umm the house is in both of our names... not that I want it, he can gladly gave it...
He made me so angry, for the first time in all of this, I was truely angry at him, now i'm just blank again and I don't want to talk to him right now...
He kept asking for the computer again so he could play his dumb game and check his email, I told him to go to his parents or the library... because if I give him my computer I know I will never see it again.
I was talking to two of my friends who are currently over seas till they both went to bed... now i'm watching my family play Wii... i'm just not in the mood.. friends wanted to take me out to cheer me up, but I said not tonight... I just need to be alone and figure this all out right now...
I'm working on surviving Monday... one hour, one moment, one thought at a time...
I am thankful that it's Jan 5th and new episodes of Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill start tonight... that will take my mind off of it for 2 hours maybe...
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Thank you for stopping by my blog today! This is my first time here...I have read through some of your posts, and I don't know the whole story, but my heart goes out to you. And my prayers are with you. I don't know what it is like to be in an abusive relationship, but I watched my mom be in one. And it was dangerous and scary...and it was really hard to get out 23 years later. It may be hard, and scary, and I am sure you feel devastated...but I can say, You are young, you are beautiful, and you sound incredibly strong. Take the time you need. You are not going to feel like going out some days. Some days are the kind of days you lay in the bed and don't talk to anyone, but you need those. You are so right, it is always taking one minute, one hour, one day...that's all we can do. I'm sorry, I am not expert, but I am pretty familiar with lonely and hurt...I promise things will get better and you will be happy. I know that you don't know me, but email me anytime you need anything!
ReplyDeleteAnd I am SO jealous you have a horse. It is my dream. Since I was about 2. My dad said he thought I'd always give it up, but NEVER. I used to ride a horse called Black Magic and I miss her terribly! Mr S has promise I can have my own one day :) In the spring though I think I will take riding lessons until I get one! :)
I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a big hug. I've never been in a serious relationship myself, so I can't even imagine the mix of emotions that could be overwhelming you. Divorce is never a good thing as marriage is meant for keeps, but we live in a fallen world. Things definitely aren't how they should be, but we must live with the way things are.
ReplyDeleteThanks for coming to visit me and leaving a comment.
ReplyDeleteIt looks like you are in a very tough place right now and I'm so sorry! Many prayers that you're able to come through this stronger than ever, whichever route your life may take!
Once again, your man sounds so muh like mine.One minute talking about making it work and the next being so mean. I mean C'mom, make up your mind. I'm right there with you.
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