So, again, I am in a funk, and I'm not sure why. I had a great night, I went out with friends and it was awesome, but now, I'm back in the slump... or still in it... I never really got out of it... I never really wanted to go out... there I said it, but I wanted to see my friend K. So I went, then I kept going out, hopping around, and I had a fucking great time, I did, but the slump is still here.
I also feel like hell, and not because I went out last night... I've been having some issues, that apparently could actually be something, but I didn't think anything of it. I've been getting these crazy bruises but they don't hurt, it's been happening for a while now, but I thought nothing of it... so the bruising... I am ALWAYS tired.. like I want to sleep ALL the time, which isn't like me, it's getting hard to get through the day... and then there is the dizziness and hot sweats... and no I'm not in menopause haha I just start feeling so sick and spinning and I get so hot and man it sucks... then theres the shaking where it feels like my muscles are contracting and just wont quit... and it's freaky. The last part is the numbness/tingling in my hands and feet, mostly in my hands... it sucks, it's been pretty constant the past few days, it lasted about 8 hours yesterday, and right now while it's not as bad as yesterday, they are sure tingling!
So I am going to call the rhemetologist.. because my mom wants me to get blood work done, though it's been less than 6months since it was last done, she's worried I could have Lupus...http://www.lupus.org/newsite/index.html my mom has it.. and sometimes I feel like a time bomb because they are always checking me, since it can be genetic, and I have Fribromyalgia...
What else... slump... I'm trying to write this paper, and I love to write, I'm interested in the topic, and I can't write.. I clearly have no problem writing and getting my thoughts out, so why can't I write the paper?
Then there is the issue of jerkfacewhoIwishIcouldhatesomuchbutIjustcan't... he keeps calling, and now I answer, and we talk, and part of me misses him, though it's over and it will always be, it does hurt, I am over the anger, though he keeps lying to me, I am still sad, because I went through so much with him... and I just... I think maybe when it's all over I should end communication with him, as hard as it will be on both of us... I think I have to...
He is having surgery on the 2rd... nothing big, just having his ear tubes replaced... and I feel I should be there, but I wont be... he is having such a hard time with his PTSD but again, it's not my problem, it's his... but I care and I hate it I want to hate him I want to not care I want to just not give a fuck... he's moving... to Orlando. I think that will be a good thing, I don't see him, I haven't, we have just talked, but I want to stop, as soon as it's legal and over.. it has to, because it's slowly killing me... ripping my heart apart... he was so verbally abusive and it was so bad... but he really did have my heart for so long... he lost it so long ago... but I think he took part with him that I will never get back.
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