Doosey of a Post...

Today... well the morning was nice, I stayed at a friends last night, I got up early when D had to leave for work and went to Starbucks and did some school work, then to the office early where I got an amazing amount of work done today.

However it went downhill from there... I found out that over the weekend H had the second tumor removed, the one they thought was non-cancerous, well I guess it was, and she'd been having radiation last week to shrink it because since the first one was removed she'd gotten no better. They didn't know this one was cancerous, but now I'm hoping she is cancer free..

Speaking of cancer, my favorite patient came in today, he is an older man, in his 80's I think. He has cancer... except he is going to die... they caught it very late, stage 7 out of 10, radiation and chemo didn't help much.. so he's just going on living with it.. such a nice guy... he worked for the Red Socks for a while doing all different stuff.. we talk baseball a lot, it makes him happy.. anyways today he comes in and says "You know the smurfs?" and I say I do, because of course what child growing up in the 80's/early 90's wouldn't? so he goes "So they are blue right?" yes I agree... "So if you choke one what color does it turn?" he asks me? I start laughing because he was so serious, then I got a small grin... but really? what color?

So onwards from that... I am overtired from a very lovely weekend, I hung out with friends, new and old.. I ran errands after work, then needed to finish my HW... which was kicking my ass as I was falling asleep sitting up...

So.. then driving... he always manages to call when I'm on the highway, yes that HIM, the jerk, the ass hole, the pathetic jobless SOB who I really wish would just leave me alone and NEVER contact me again.

He was basically yelling at me, blaming me, for the fact that he has no money, that he has to pay a lawyer, when mine is probono, which to him is not fair... not that he needed a lawyer... but that's besides the point. He was telling me how he has no job, and sits online looking but hasn't applied because he won't work for $8 an hour... and that's all the jobs are paying that he can find... well I'm sorry if I had no job and thousands in bills, I wouldn't be so freeking picky!!!!!! and he went on and on and on like usual... and bitched about me not answering my phone yesterday, when in fact he never called, there were no missed calls... but he didn't believe me, so he yelled more as I sat and listened... not sure why I took it but I did... maybe I am that tired that I just didn't have it in me to argue or get off the phone to deal with him calling back more pissed at me for apparently his life sucking...

So then in class we get a quiz... now I haven't talked much about my brain injury... I don't like to, it upsets me... but because of it memorization is shitty for me... well apparently this class is going to be shitty for me because all of a sudden I'm staring at a sheet of words which I should know because I studied them most of the day... and used them in the HW but I don't know shit... I can answer every T or F correctly... but I can't give you a definition that I just learned... my brain literally doesn't work that way... so how in the goddesses name am I supposed to pass this class? or at least get the C I need?

Meanwhile HE ExfuckfacePOS is texting me asking if I've seen this, that, or the other... no, jerk off, I don't have your shit, I don't have any of it... nor do I want to have it, see it or anything to that effect... you gross me out, please leave me alone... AHHHHHH

Driving... I went driving... stopped for gas so I could keep driving... ended up at my house... the one I own that is... to get the mail. The mail. BILLS so many BILLS... and this one bills from a blood test I had in 07' that apparently the insurance never paid they are saying if they don't pay I have to and it's $500!!! WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! then I get a comcast bill, note I PAID the comcast and cancelled it and all that, so WHY do I have a bill, we don't have the boxes anymore or anything... AND HE ordered movies after I paid the last bill... but who do you think will be stuck paying them? not he with no job... but me... and the PSNH bill? for the house I haven't lived in for 6 weeks, yep I bet I'm paying that one too right? with what? ugh... I have a funny idea I know...

So yea... little bit of a nervous breakdown... lots to take in... plus other things going on... I mean really, can I not catch a break? I have a great weekend then I have to have this damned awful Monday?!

UGH.. and I can't eat... again... my body is just anti-food.. and I'm pretty sure I'm anemic from all the bruises... because I don't usually get them... I ate... last night.. yep... ugh... oh and I got all these CD's from that shoot I did a while back, but still have no comp.. so no, I can't load them/view them... nor can you...

What else?...I think I might have scared a new friend off with my rant's, we will see... Valentines is lame but I was with someone for 4 years and spent every single one alone and miserable, this year, i'm alone, and will just be alone... and who knows... maybe I will find happiness in that face that alone isn't with him so it's not AS miserable as being alone and with him ha! there we go..