The Call

He called about an hour ago... I wasn't sure what to say... so I just said hello? he asked how I was.. I took a moment to answer before saying "okay." I mean obviously i'm not, but i'm also not just sitting around doing nothing, well now I am, but I did two things for me today, which is what I am going to have to do to get through all of this.

I asked if he was at the house still, he said yes, asked why I didn't stop by and see him, I told him I couldn't see him right now, at first he didn't understand, then he got it and was as okay as I think he's going to be with it.

I told him he was sick and needs help, he told me he knows. FINALLY! He get's it! he see's it! I hope he get's the help he needs. I guess he had a long talk with his parent's last night, told them everything...

He asked if I told Rob, my friend, I was thinking no? and I told him no and asked why he thought I would, he seems to think i'm cheating on him now... and yesterday he told me I had pulled a knife on him... which I never have, and is not something I would ever do, I wouldn't hurt a fly (maybe a spider though, i'm scared of them they best stay away from me.)

I was told recently that it can be part of PTSD.. people with it can get things in their head and believe them to be true, things that never happened, or they will see things differently... a butter knife he said... and I was thinking, when was this? was I doing dishes? cooking? putting them away?

He then told me I ripped his heart out, that I left him with nothing, and continued on to ask me for the Wii, or the Laptop, both of which are mine. He dropped it then a few moments later told me my parents had a computer so I should give him mine. (he plays an online game, it's what he is usually doing) I told him to drop it and that I need it for work and school... he was mad but gave up and kept telling me insted that he had nothing to do....

He has the TV and about 200+ DVDs and about 50 VHS tapes, he can watch them or cable... he can read, clean, do laundry, cook, hell I don't care, there is shit to do that doesn't involve my laptop.

I told him he scared me and how I felt about his remarks about being a good husband because he doesn't hit me... he says "don't hang up, i'm being honest here, but sometimes I do want to hurt you and I do want to hit you" he says he goes from happy to ANGRY in a second... and i'm sitting here thinking, and why on earth would I walk back into that? after he told me this?

I guess he is going to try and find and see a regular Dr tomorrow and go on meds... something he has always fought... he said if I left him he would understand why, I avoided all questions about us and just kept telling him to focus on him and to get better and get help...

I told him I care about him and I want him to get better, and that I contacted out old friend who was his best man and was his best friend till he cut him out of our lives... I said he needs a friend, he said he has one, meaning me, I said thats not enough... and right now I can't be it.

It's a lot to take in, i'm sure i'm missing something, i'm emotionally drained, he's staying in our home so I can't go there... I need pants... guess i'm going to be a hippie this week and wear the same clothes...

Bleh...