The End?

I'm not sure where to begin, I guess at the begining right? so I went out last night I think for the first time in 6 months, I mean I really went out, I went drinking, and I played pool, watched a movie, and talked to a friend and I smiled and laughed and felt wonderful and I had a wonderful time. I did mess up I admit, I got to drunk and stayed overnight at his house, mostly because I blacked out vomiting... but I was still happy...

Anthony was angry thismorning when I got home in time to change and leave for work, when I got home he wasn't though he just asked what he did wrong and appologized as did I, then we were fine, or so I thought. I showered while he was attempting to hook up the washer and dryer, when he came up I was on facebook checking to see if I had messages and he sat to watch TV. About 5 or 10 min went by before he threw the cat off of him and stomped around when I asked what was wrong he started yelling that he had to get out and that he couldnt sit there with us not talking. Which I didn't understand since we always sit in the same room without talking with one of us on the computer.

He freaked out about last night, he told me he never believes i'm going where I say (which is funny till last night I go about 6 places, (work, school, the gym, the barn, the grocery store, and to my parents) He was screaming and I got scared, I had never seen him the way he was, he punched a hole in our newly done hallway, at which point I went into the bedroom and started throwing things in a bag I wasn't going to stay in the house with him, but needed clothes.

He apparently at 4:30 thismorning drove out looking for the persons house I was at and found it, but throught twice about going to the door and went home... I mean he's more opsessed and possesive of me than anything... he keeps telling me i'm HIS and I told him i'm not his property..

Anyways i'm with my parents and he is with his, he told me he couldn't stay at the house without me, he tryed getting me to stay there with him, but after that how could I?? i'm so scared of him, I can't be near him...

I don't feel anything right now, i'm sure I will at somepoint... I just want him to get the help he needs and to get better... together or not...

His mom called me, her and I don't usually speak, so I thought she was going to yell at me for doing something wrong, but she called to make sure I was ok and that he hadn't hurt me physically, and to let me know he got there ok... and that she took his keys... and that this was him not me and that I didn't do anything wrong and that he needs help...

I feel so empty right now... I don't even know what to do, I want to just go for a run and paint, and go riding and everything all at once, but all I can do it sit here in silence... listining to music... wishing I was anywhere but here...