I'm just a goof looking for my ball

So I've been thinking...

Yep, again, always, but it's on the same topic at least... relationships!

I know I am ready for one, to be happy in one... but I keep asking myself the same thing... how do I know when I meet the person I should be with? last time it clearly turned out to be a disaster. I believe that relationships are built on trust, and my goodness I trusted so much, I don't want to give someone my all and be torn down slowly again without realizing it.

So trust, maybe it wont be an issue, who knows... I just miss lots of things, some things I never even had in my prior relationship... I miss having someone to hold, and someone to hold me.. someone to be there when I'm sick or just feeling blue... someone to cook for and spoil... because I'm a giver and I love to spoil people... I always have. I miss having someone to lay in bed with all day, someone to come home to, or someone to wait up for... it's like their is a void in my life... and I can't help but feel as if I'm like Rapunzel trapped in her tower, waiting for her prince charming to come along. (without the long hair of course)

Maybe I sound stupid right now, who knows, but I don't really care... this whole being single thing is over rated... I've got friends telling me to enjoy it and to sleep with as many people as I can, but that's not me... I've got guys after me who want to go on dates or hook up... well none of them have been worth my time yet... I was hurt by the first one I started having any kind of feelings for, and the second one, well, I can't even talk about that one right now... because I'm pretty sure I screwed that one up just by talking.

I'm not even sure how to meet people.. I refuse to pick up a guy in a bar, that's just not something I will do, plus I'm not a huge bar fan, I avoid going... no guys ride... there aren't any guys who are remotely attractive who I want to talk to in my classes... and most of the guys from school seem to be either taken, not what I'm looking for, or just really boring...

I wish I could just be given a sign, and know when and what was right, because this whole thing is awkward and frustrating... and I want to be in a relationship, I've been ready for something new, for someone new, for so long.... someone to be myself around, neurotic as I can sometimes be, I know I'm a lot to handle at times, but I'm also a good person... with a lot to offer... I keep thinking of the match.com commercial where the lady says "I'm just a goof looking for my ball" because really that sums it up...